When I'm the one that's triggered
We talk about kids having big feelings - but has it ever been you?
Let's chat about loosing our cool, feeling triggered, and a few ways to regain our patience.
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Okay, I'm going to be real honest and share a story that we don't typically talk about but I'm positive I'm not the only one that has felt it before.
The other day, I felt like I was literally going to snap. Everything was triggering me, the puppy kept chewing on everything she's not supposed too, the toddler was screaming and whining, they couldn't be in the same room together (I'm sorry - how do you handle having more than one kid?) Every time I grabbed my laptop or phone, My kiddo was screaming in my face that it was his turn to play a game, the house was a mess and everything just felt like it was spiralling out of control.
Have you ever had one of those days? Then it hit me,
I talk about finding the need behind the behaviour for kids but in this moment - I had to look for the need behind my behaviour and why all these small things - that really aren't that unusual - we're really driving me up the wall today. So I had to pause, take a breath grab something to eat and then get outside. Switching up the environment and removing all the triggers (for everyone) was critical to reset and move back into the shoes of the parent I desire to be.
First off, I want to remind you that it's NORMAL to not always been that calm, patient parent. We can apologize to our kiddos and then carry on with our lives. Showing our kids that we too make mistakes is actually a really valuable lesson!
When these days happen, it's important to step back and start to notice what went wrong, starting with time management. I've noticed that when I have spent too much time scrolling on social media, or working behind the computer, things get a bit flustered. My kiddo starts to feel more desire for connection and I feel more unstable. Finding the time management balance is critical - especially if you EVER have to work from home with kids around!
Then we need to evaluate our energy drains/stressors in our lives that are causing our patience to deteriorate
this looks different for everyone, and might change frequently but where are you holding stress that is negatively affecting the way you show up for your family? Maybe it's bills that need to be pain, a phone call you don't want to make, clutter, how's your nutrition, are you eating foods that fuel you?
From there you can see what actions you can make to start to break down these energy drains and bring less stress into your day.
Now let's chat self care...
I feel like this is almost a cliche,
Everyone talks about it, it's like the cool thing to do? Yet no one makes time for it....
When you add kids into the mix, it starts to become this laughable thing.
So, we need to break it down, here are some self care things that are actually possible that you can do today... with out childcare, with out added time,
- putting your phone on airplane mode to take out distractions
- putting on clean clothes when you get dressed
- listening to music instead of turning on the tv
- intentional breathing
- diffusing oils
- exercising
- being creative
- gardening
- date day with your kiddo
Now, our mindset is key,
We need to move from "our kids are annoying" to "I'm annoy-able" because then we have more power in how we deal with it.
"everything is out of control" to "I'm in control" because there's likely steps you can take to hold control in situations that feel out of control!
"I'm tired" becomes "my body is trying to tell me something"and "My child is trying to manipulate me" becomes " my child has a need that hasn't been met"
Once we shift our mindset, then it's easier to find a solution to the problem at hand!
As we gain perspective of the full picture, as we gain control of our household, and as we set ourself and our kids up for success, we are more likely to be able to maintain our patience even in difficult situations.
The fact that we believe we should be a perfect parent is just outrageous because it literally isn't possible so give yourself some grace, reconnect with your kids and move forward in a positive manner. Don't forget to take breaks, ask for help and talk to a friend when you feel like things are just falling apart!
Drop your parenting wins or fails in the comments below! Let's connect!
You've got this!
xo
Hailey